There's this world in my head
where everything's perfect
He was there
with her.
But I didn't mind, I wasn't alone
Jhony was there with me.
He suddenly holded me over the shoulders from the back,
and took me away from my friends.
Jim was walking around us with Jessica.
I didn't really care.
I know falling for Jhony is wrong... in so many different ways
He's not good for me.
But he's different
I can see he cares about me
I can tell he wants to be with me
And I like that
I like the way he looks at me
The way he once told me: cry with me...
and the way those honey-browned eyes get lost into mine is crazy!
I don't know why we never realized.
We've known each other for three years
but I guess... we never really known each other...
until now.
We left to a bench away from everything and everyone
and he holded my hand, just like the way I dreamed it a while ago
he tried to kiss me, just like the way I dreamed it a while ago
and again I felt like my chest was burning.
But we couldn't.
Jim stormed in and pushed Jhony away from me.
They started fighting.
I just ran outta there!
I couldn't see that.
My life was already doing great, so...
why doesn't he let me be happy!?
Apr 30, 2010
The perfect world (1)
I like thinking there's another world
one where Jim never existed
one where I never felt desesperate to kiss him
one where I never waited for him to hold me from the back
one where we never met
But even if I found a way to delete him
he will always be there
as if something was missing
as if that guy who drove me crazy was missing
I can't help looking at them so fine
At their smiles on their faces
I can tell they're happy
I can tell he's happy
without me
And that should be the important thing anyway:
letting him be happy
with whoever he wants
even if that "whoever" is not me.
one where Jim never existed
one where I never felt desesperate to kiss him
one where I never waited for him to hold me from the back
one where we never met
But even if I found a way to delete him
he will always be there
as if something was missing
as if that guy who drove me crazy was missing
I can't help looking at them so fine
At their smiles on their faces
I can tell they're happy
I can tell he's happy
without me
And that should be the important thing anyway:
letting him be happy
with whoever he wants
even if that "whoever" is not me.
Apr 6, 2010
Back on Track
Today we came back to school from vacations. It's the first time in 11 days I see them again! Jhony & Jim. Jhony kinda looked like he missed me, that's weird, he always only thinks of himself. But I don't say I didn't like it! I don't know what he does that makes me wanna stare at him all day. I think his honey-browned eyes have something to do with it. Now I know he has a special space for me. With Jim... with him everything is always harder. I still consider him the nice guy I met three years ago. I still remember that friend who one day turned in something else. That guy who didn't messed it all up just like I did with the same purpose he would've had. I didn't looked at him the way I do every day. I really tried to ignore him completely. Why? Because today I gave out my invitations to my 15´s party and I had to invite him, for all the reasons I said before. I´m scared.
Apr 1, 2010
Another dream...
I haven't stopped thinking about Jim. I had a dream a couple of days ago:
I was on a very tall building, it had a lot of stairs [instead of elevators], every wall was light-orange-colored. I was alone, walking up and down the stairs, then I saw a group of people walking and he was there, the group of people were his friends.
He looked at me like he always does: as if there wasn't anyone who didn't know about us, as if I was the only one around... but still wishing I wasn't there. I looked at him the same way, but sorprised, I thought the building was deserted. We had our first words in so long, I don't remember what we said, but it wasn't anything good.
When we stopped fighting, he turned around and kept walking. When I saw him leaving I put my arms over his shoulders and huged him from behind, just like he did two years ago when we met. He tried to push me away when we stopped across a big mirror [it might've been a door], we saw the reflection of ourselves and I noticed we were both crying. So we started walking downstairs to the exit, still holding him he started playing with my hands. I forgot where we were and then I saw a big light. As if we were on a very dark place. We were walking through the door of a balcony [still in a very high floor of the building]. Then suddenly he turned me around and I felt his lips on mine. Cold for some weird reason. I literally felt like I was in space, spinning
But, of course then I woke up, and said: "Time to come back to reality"
Why couldn't it be my reality!?
I was on a very tall building, it had a lot of stairs [instead of elevators], every wall was light-orange-colored. I was alone, walking up and down the stairs, then I saw a group of people walking and he was there, the group of people were his friends.
He looked at me like he always does: as if there wasn't anyone who didn't know about us, as if I was the only one around... but still wishing I wasn't there. I looked at him the same way, but sorprised, I thought the building was deserted. We had our first words in so long, I don't remember what we said, but it wasn't anything good.
When we stopped fighting, he turned around and kept walking. When I saw him leaving I put my arms over his shoulders and huged him from behind, just like he did two years ago when we met. He tried to push me away when we stopped across a big mirror [it might've been a door], we saw the reflection of ourselves and I noticed we were both crying. So we started walking downstairs to the exit, still holding him he started playing with my hands. I forgot where we were and then I saw a big light. As if we were on a very dark place. We were walking through the door of a balcony [still in a very high floor of the building]. Then suddenly he turned me around and I felt his lips on mine. Cold for some weird reason. I literally felt like I was in space, spinning
But, of course then I woke up, and said: "Time to come back to reality"
Why couldn't it be my reality!?
''Gotta Keep On My Day''
When you came in, turned on the light
got me seeing what was in the dark:
All the things I know that we could've been
The years went by and I got shy
Drifted away I don't know why
When I think of you I feel like I can fly
Now that I can't sleep at night
I see the sparkle in your eyes
You were always there when I looked back
Now that we see throughout our eyes
I found a lot I didn't find
It's enough hard to see you're telling me:
"We could be right up that tree
have you wonder how it would be?
we can't go far but we can always dream
I wish you wouldn't cry at night
I'm really not a reason why
I'm so sorry I let this go away
Gotta keep on my day"
gotta keep on your day?
why do we still keep afraid?
I don't have enough guts to say 'hey'
"Gotta keep on my day
When we're apart all I think
is the way we're now and the way we were"
Don't know why, I can't fly, I can't shine
I wanna be on your days.
got me seeing what was in the dark:
All the things I know that we could've been
The years went by and I got shy
Drifted away I don't know why
When I think of you I feel like I can fly
Now that I can't sleep at night
I see the sparkle in your eyes
You were always there when I looked back
Now that we see throughout our eyes
I found a lot I didn't find
It's enough hard to see you're telling me:
"We could be right up that tree
have you wonder how it would be?
we can't go far but we can always dream
I wish you wouldn't cry at night
I'm really not a reason why
I'm so sorry I let this go away
Gotta keep on my day"
gotta keep on your day?
why do we still keep afraid?
I don't have enough guts to say 'hey'
"Gotta keep on my day
When we're apart all I think
is the way we're now and the way we were"
Don't know why, I can't fly, I can't shine
I wanna be on your days.
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