On board?

I'm worried, I'm scared.
Me, more so than anyone else.
these days are counted, there's not much time left
Suddenly I feel like the clock is moving faster everytime
I'm disappointed with myself, I can't believe this is over without even started.
I still remember the first time I saw him, he was so silly.
He got me just because of being silly.

Back then I didn't know what I had,
Now I regret so much the way I just let him go.

Is very awkward to pretend we're cool,
we know we're not.
He tries not to look at me when we're in the same conversation,
He's so obvious!

I'm confused, I love him and I totally understand if he doesn't feel the same way,
But then why does he keep caring?
He should be just proud he's making some girl's life impossible.
But he's not.
He looks back at me like saying:
"Let's go back two years ago when we could've been something"
He keeps trying to make me jealous with girls I know are out of his league.
He does all those things and more, but when is time to say "hello" he backs down like saying: "I'm just a friend"
He's crazy and I love him because of that.
But... can't he decide if he's on board?