I'm Tired Of This!

From a distance you see things a little clearer
although from a distance you see many other things as well
Peter's now really nothing but a blur of something someday happened
The Prince is so far away I don't really care
HE is just someone I could finally get over from and a relief
but this new one... DEAR GOD!

In a way he's always been there
and in a way I've always agreed
I've accepted I have something for the guy
but I never thought I'd be writing about him here
I never thought he would bring tears to my eyes as many others have

He's tecnically all I've ever wanted
he's got everything from the list
one day I'm like 'yeah he's there, great!'
then I'm like 'Oh my God! This is it!'
and now somebody's saying 'he's just like everyone else',
'I saw him with someone outstage'.

Everytime that I finally get up on my feet
from falling down the cloud
Something happens that I'm pushed out again

And I'm kind of tired of it.

I've never really got to say 'I'm happy'
I've never really got anything back
Nothing's ever happened
That space I need to fill is empty
and noone seems to want to help

'He's too handsome to just be thinking of you'
Hey! where did the cloud go?!

"My Other Half?"

I once read a book, a novel, where there were people who believed in "the other half". It was said that at the beggining of Creation, God had to split Adam and Eve's souls to populate the Earth and so humanity kept on growing that way. For someday, those missing halfs would find each other and stay together. There were male and female halfs, but most of all, those who would meet again would be male and female to be a right couple. There could be more than one other half possible to find and that's when the "love triangles" would begin. That's when you say that it is possible to love more than one person at once. I kept thinking about that after I finished the book, but I didn't really pay much attention to it. I mean, Other Half? What the heck is that? I don't believe it yet... and I NEVER will! But I couldn't help but thinking about that today. I saw him today. It's quite weird for me. It's never happened before! But I admit, when I met him for the first time, I saw something... something (I think) now he's not ignoring anymore. According to the book, those who were chosen to know about these other halfs would be able to recognize theirs by a blinking light above the shoulder. If it was true, I would be blinded by the light in his shoulder. I know he's so not the one for me. He's married! His wife is so nice and sweet and loveable! No wonder why they're together! AND... he has four children! I'm amazed by myself this time. Am I that crazy already?! I might as well be, I admit. But, then who can explain what has been happening lately? He's been staring. He's been looking. He's been creating the scene. That scene that I've been into so many times before. I could say I feel attracted to him somehow. Actually he's the one that I want... 20 years later! He even has the right name.He right sense of humor. The right talent for music. The right haircut! This is so weird. Sometimes I lose myself and start thinking how it would be like to kiss him. To have the look with him. I know it's wrong. And it's not like anything is ever gonna happen. IT WONT'! But, I just can't help but wonder "what if?".

Growing up on Us

Lately things have been growing
You're closer everytime
I see you anticipating something
I've never been in this place for so long before.
I've never been in a place where I knew there wasn't anyone else.

Now everybody who needs to know, knows.
Now I see the jealousy in your expressions
Now I know you really care
Now I see you're interested
but at the same time,
Now I see your fear
Now I sense your fading
and so,
Now I feel the tear dropping
and I hate it!

Still, when I see you
when I hear you
when I think of you
a little smile comes out.
I feel hope, and happiness.
For once, I've found a balance between
happy tears, and the other ones.

For all I care, right now,
you're there.
Now there's a chance for me to finally choose well.

I Want You

Something has grown with you
you have come to be big
something so bright I just can't ignore.
Somehow your eyes look deeper.
Lately I'm waiting for a moment to be near you.
That heartbeat is back
That freaky, hard, obvious heartbeat,
that has gotten me into so many things before...
it's now because of you.

I want you
I want to be able to hold your hand,
to look right into your eyes and feel like nothing else matters,
I want to see the smile in your face
I want to have my first kiss with you.

I want to fall asleep in your lap
I want you to kiss me in the forehead
and let me know it'll be fine.

He is gone, The Prince is just a blur.
You're everything now
you're the one I think about
Now you're the one in every breath
in every thought
in every move.

A single touch means everything
The simplier word says a lot
That look wich I've become used to get
since that day you looked back
means that the mystery is different once more.

I want to keep falling in love
I want to know you're trippin' to fall.

Overthinking

Maybe I pushed my hopes up
Maybe I thought you were greater
Somehow it all faded away
For some reason everything changed
...again

Now I'm thinking about going back to Jupiter
but is still not what I'm looking for.
I'm considering maybe HE is the one I'm missing
I was left out with left overs of the Royal Dinner.

I know he's fine
I don't know if he's happy, but I know he's fine.
I know he is still with his girlfriend,
I know she is his choice
and I know she likes him a lot.

I'm trying not to be a part of his life anymore
I'm trying to leave him alone
But, he's still looking for me
He's still staring
He's still checking to see if I'm looking
He's still downcast.

Maybe he's feeling the same way I do.
Maybe he's missing that too,
Perhaps he has that hole as well,
That empty space with nothing to fill in with.

I feel sorry to be on this side now.
I feel like now I'm the bad guy.
I know is not like it was before but
...I really feel that something with them.

They're looking different at me...
The Prince is looking, and thinking I guess...
The little one is not at all, either he really doesn't care
...or I broke the kid down.

And Him, it's always more difficult with Him.
I just see him like he doesn't really care,
is incredible how much he changed
it all started with me I guess...

Well, all I hope for now is
to have strength enough to overcome this
to find a shoulder to cry in
or maybe I'll be fine just writing in the middle of the night
just like right now...

...is so easy to write, say or think the words "I love you"
but not many people know what that means.
maybe I don't know either yet.

But I know what is like to feel missing,
to be empty,
to feel like "now what do I do?"
"now that is over, what's next?"

I still dream of talking to Him like the friends we once were
not the same way I dreamed it before
but I do miss him...
...no, is not Him,
I miss feeling something for somebody
I miss that closeness
I miss that drama
I miss being hurt.

Before it's too Late

I still can't believe it, you know?
Did you ever imagine ANYONE could feel this for you?
I wonder what you would be thinking about now
I accept that there's a high possibility that is not about me
...but my statistics grew didn't they?

I gave you something to think about
I gave you something to worry about
I did again
I fell in love with one of my friends
Do I regret it?
the only thing I regret is to have chosen
someone who apparently is going the same way HE did.

"Fading out is the most coward way to demostrate he doesn't love you"
were the words that pulled me down from my cloud

You showed up and everything changed
Your arrival was big enough to make me feel happy again
Is unbelievable how I've become such an expert in this:
Scaring guys away the minute I start feeling something
When we were just friends we were great!
we were just two friends being FRIENDS!
but now we're two people who claim to be friends
...but inside there's so much more.
Inside there's this girl shouting
Inside there's a boy doubting

Your eyes can't talk, your eyes shout
but it's not like I can hear what they're sreaming
it's like someone had their hands on their lips
and I can't hear a thing.

I don't like to compare, but
I had been through this before.
But I don't want to end like that again.
So, what is it?
Your eyes can't say it,
YOU say it!
Before it's too late.

I Think I Miss You

This time is all we've been asking for
Having the chance to get up late
and go to bed late as well.
Seems like a good idea for many others...
...including you I'd say.

Me, I see things differently
I see everything different
We have finally what I thought we needed
A break, a little breather...
but now what?

This may sound too used before but
I think I miss you
I think I miss myself loving you
I think I miss the time when I'd kill
anyone who'd dare to call herself your girlfriend.

Is funny somehow
to have acted like that for so long
and now when I see you
I see the guy who once hurted me as a sport

But if it was so bad...
...then why do I miss it?

Will you ever know?

You come all the sudden to be with me
out of nowhere you're staring at me,
trying to say something through your eyes
something like:
''kiss me''
You start getting closer
then you lean over, closing your eyes in the way
and then I feel your lips, soft and sweet.
A little afraid to know how I like it
Your hands on my cheek, trying to get me closer to you
Me, walking on a cloud.
Chest hurting,
heart pounding,
head spinning,
mouth playing.

I know we don't want to stop
we never felt so good before,
so comfortable, loving, passionate. In love.
Chills all over, heads going crazy,
hearts pounding so strong you could hear it from a distance.

But, every minute has an end.
when we finally stop, we separate slowly
looking at each other right through our eyes.
And I hear your voice saying:
''I love you''
And repeating:
''I love you''

Holding me in your arms,
my head in your chest
listens to your heart beating,
closing my eyes, I can't believe what just happened.

When I open my eyes up again,
I'm laying on my bed,
while comming back to reality,
calming my heart down,
I'm thinking: "it was just a dream".

Now, I see you in real life
and suddenly I've changed around you
suddenly it's like even hard to see you when you're looking at me.
I wonder if you will ever know...

They know

Ever since I realized my feelings for you I've been trying to avoid them
Your best friends, very good ones for me too.
To avoid the ''who do you like?'' issue with them
because I know they're close to you
because maybe something could slip out
and we'll have to do a little remake of the story.

But apparently, I'm not doing a pretty good job
They know
They know it all
They came in the wrong moment,
when I needed to get it out.

I trust them
I have to!
I don't want to ruin another friendship again

Another One?!

It's been five days since I definetly decided I'm over you
But my excitement only lasted that long...
I don't like him anymore!
I don't know why
I guess I just opened my eyes, and saw him in the way everybody else does.

Ok, so, fine!
Now what?!
Maybe I'm not used to not be in love
Maybe my heart needed that Another One
Maybe you just showed up at the right or wrong moment of that need

I knew, though, there was something about you
I knew you had that something
The way your eyes crush against anything is really crazy!
I'm trying not to blush whenever you look at me
But still trying to look at you 'cause I want to, really want to get lost in there

Is so weird to think about you that way though
Is so weird because again, I like one of my friends
and I know the last time it did not end up well.
You're so not the kind of guy I like, totally!

Well, for now, just keep looking at me,
stare at me like you just did
and we'll see what happens!

Too Many Worries!

My head is about to explode
too many things going on!
Too many worries
at least you're not one of them.

Really I just wanna leave
I just wanna escape out of this world!
and go back in time when everything was simplier
when i didn't get this need of screaming
and get out.

where all my worries were "Am I gonna like dinner tonight?"
or "Are my parents gonna get me that toy I wanted?
but now is just gonna get worse and worse isn't it?
Maybe people will see God's mercy and stick with it too
but meanwhile I'm not feeling good...
now, at least

He's better!

I've been back and forth about whether I'm over you or not
but I guess today I figured it out
I see you looking at me...
and I keep walking, laughing
I see you with your girlfriend...
and I keep walking, laughing
I see you looking at me looking at someone else
and I keep looking at him.

Actually, now that I think about him
I get that butterfly-in-stomach sensation
is so great to know there's someone else
and that he might actually be better than you.

Today, arriving, I saw him
and he saw me
it was like some spark in the air
I don't know if it was in his eyes
but I know it was in mine.
There's just something about him
so strong that made me FINALLY FORGET YOU!

So:
"Dear Heart, I just called in to tell you,
there's a new member comming,
and I want him to be very well recieved!"

I'm Not Over This Yet!

I don't, really don't want to feel like this.
I miss you and I know I shouldn't
I love you and I know I shouldn't
I hear your name and somehow it's all better
But I see your face and it's all worse

I dream about you all the time
I imagine myself in your arms,
holding your hand,
losing myself in your eyes,
kissing your lips;
so lovely, so warm, so meaningfull.

But all I get is some other girls in your arms,
someone else holding your hand like is some kind of game,
your eyes looking at me like they do,
your lips closed holding in who knows what.

I miss you, I miss YU!
All I wish for is for YU to miss me too.

What if...

I've been waiting for yesterday all year
always wondering what would happen if...

if we would ever fix whatever we've broken
if someday you talked to me like we used to
if maybe your eyes wouldn't mean what they mean today
if that wish in my heart came true that we wouldn't use our lips only to speak
if you could someday open you eyes and see what we've done
if maybe one day you could finally see the truth and understand that I love you like
I never tought I would and that you really hurt me with your games.

I know you know this isn't, like, just a crush.
For God sake's we've been on this for over 3 frickin' years!
and, besides, why do you even still care?
that is the question of the last two years!

You really don't care?
but, why do you care...?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO ASK FOR ANYMORE!

All I have is one request
please, don't forget me
but don't remember me like the girl who brought so much trouble
but like the friend you once had
like the girl I know you once liked more than a friend.
Remember me the way you think I deserve to be remembered by you.

What Do I want For My Birthday?

You know what I want for my birthday?
I know you know
I know you're scared
well, maybe not yet
I know you will be though

what I want for my birthday is you
just you
just for one day
Then, if you want, we can keep being as complicated as we are
just let me see my friend again for my birthday!

Don't let him vanish!
You know he wants to come out!

I was fine!

Someday this will stop
All this will fade away
that day it will all be the way it started
And maybe one day I look back
and laugh.
But now, I'm scared of that day

I dont know why
but somehow you still care
for some reason you keep staring
You get mad when I'm with someone else
I get mad when you're with someone else

Why is it so complicated for us to say "hi!"?
I mean what is the big deal?

Honestly, my life used to be a lot simplier
before I met you
I was so excited about starting all over again
in a new school, make new friends, have a whole new life!
Well, in a way I did get a whole new life.
But I wanted one where the guy I'd fall in love with wouldn't know I am!
and wouldn't make such a huge deal out of it!

Why?

What to say when you're out of words
and have the need to say something?
I wish I could let you know everything
I wish you could see me with no fear
But most of all I wish you could be here

Somehow I need to see you looking at me
I want to see you at least worried
if I can't see you happy
'cause when I see you happy
I think of you being happy without me

Your name has become a trademark in my head
I see it written and is so "everyday-usual"
but I hear it and I get goose bumps
I don't want to stop thinking about you

I wish I knew what you think
Not invading your head
just, why?
why do you still care?
why do I have to love you so much!?

I'm in love I admit... again

I tried to stop this
I tried to flip the coin around
Again I'm trying to forget you
looking at someone else
But I can't not be in love with you
when you look at me like that!

Again those eyes got me haunted!
and again I wish I could kiss your lips
and everytime I think about it
I get chills all over!

I just want to hold your hand
wisper I love you to your ears
look into your eyes and know you feel the same way
I just want to go back into your arms
again to have you so close to feel your scent
again feeling your breath in my cheek
listen to your voice so soft and sweet wispering to me

I still miss you!
Why don't you let me know if you do too?

Too much! :D

Things are getting absolutely better!
Guess is new year, new chances.
I'm doing great at school and I like it (weird).
I'm so far away from HIM, he still comes up for some reason
but he's not close anymore.

I feel so relieved!
One of my best friends is going to my school
AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT!

Someone new is on the offing...
you sure you can take it?

I admit sometimes I feel blue when I see him
But I'm not alone.

God stay with me for the rest of my days!